Sonic the Hedgehog

...This...

This isn't the Egg Dome. What the hell? I mean, of all the traps Robotnik could've thought up with his crazy ass, I'd hardly expect "three-star hotel" to top that list...

*some rustling around* Nicole, analys...Nicole? What the HELL ohwalkers Sal's gonna kill me if I lost Nicole's remote unit...

[[I couldn't help it. oDo]]

Still can't find you.

Looked all over town, got sick several times thanks to those stupid teleporting barriers. Don't know when exactly it was that I ate corn, but I certainly puked some up.

Still don't know why I'm sayin' everything I think, but I might as well run with it, now.

I do care, Sally. I just know that you don't. You've distanced yourself from me for years because you don't want to be a widow, nor do you even want to think it's possible. You'd really be best with someone like Super - he's not gonna die on you or anything, ever. Cuz you can't kill Chaos. I know better.

I know you're trying, Sal. But when we go home, it's all gonna be for nothing. You're gonna hate me again, and I guess you and Ken were already making googly eyes at each other by the time you came back here and Ken showed up. This is all just like with Fi, except I know for a fact Ant ain't gonna go evil or sleep with S...wait, no. I know for a fact he won't go evil, at least.

And you have to admit, Ken makes a really hot woman. Almost as hot as you, even.

Look, I'm sorry I upset you, but we both knew what we had wasn't perfect. I ain't perfect, as much as I'd like to be. But it still bugs me to know that somewhere along the line, you'll like Ken more than me. As a boyfriend. It'll happen eventually, even if it's because I fucked things up again.

Pfh, some hero I am.

Just when things were startin' to turn good for me, here... now we got him here. I mean, fuck. That means it's just a matter of time until I'm asked to run stupid errands on the Cosmic Interstate or something...

*the video clicks on, and the camera gets a full view of CHAO CROTCH OH GOD WHAT IS HE DOING TO THE CAMERA. Thankfully, Chao don't reproduce that way, so the view, albeit disturbing, is entirely PG.

...it doesn't take long for the spikey chao to fall off the desk, though, landing on the floor head-first... his head-bobble alternates between a frustrated swirly and a heart as he stumbles out of the room, trailing flowers behind him...*

*it looks like Prime's actual room is all but empty save for a small collection of guitars - most of his stuff otherwise has found its way into Sally's room, leaving it fairly bare, perfect for two nearly identical hedgehogs, one scruffier than the other, to sit in chairs, getting ready for a jam session. Prime tunes the guitar in his hands and then checks the amplifier it's hooked to, before turning to Pup and nodding his head once, before giving a last check*

You sure you wanna go through with this, bro?

Hell yeah. Let's get this goin' already.

Awright, then... heh, no "studio engineering" necessary...

*Prime starts playing the guitar softly, showing a Sonic's traditional proficiency with it... a gentle guitar strumming that could easily be mistaken for acoustic, as Pup adjusts the laptop's mic and starts talking*

This is the greatest and best song in the world...
Tribute.

( Long time ago... )

[[OH JESUS I had totally wanted to do this in comments as a joke but then Chibi and OC put the idea in my head for the full on song, so~ A different version of the song, if you don't mind shirtless Jack Black at the end of the vid.]]

...This ain't working. It's just... I try and I try and I try and it ain't working. Yeah, time and snuggles and crap with Poppabird and Ames are awesome and all, but...

they ain't her. This ain't... this ain't... anything. It's not home, it's just... th'place I'm living.

Wish I had someone who could actually... actually understand. That I had t'pass up the woman I love because she was afraid of me gettin' hurt... I'm gonna get hurt. I'm goddamn Sonic the Hedgehog. Y'can't go into the shit I have and not come out unscathed.

S...she should really be thankin' me... I mean, if it weren't for me, everyone'd probably all be roboticized by now... or dead...

Can't even look at 'twan and Bunnie... they're so happy t'gether... just like back home... just like we shoulda been. Like we were..

ghbhghh vgftrnhjyujgftr

cant keep doing this to myself.
need to go for a run.

can't run, borders'll zap me bakc here.

i swear, this place is gonna drive me nuts.

...heh. A hotel, huh..?

...suppose it beats another night on the streets. Wonder how long it'll take before I have t'run from the Chaotix again.

Both of 'em gone. In a single night.

...All his stuff was gone, too. Except his recipes. And Chii already found out Ames disappeared...

'n I'm alone again. Unc... I never got t'apologize...for all that happened...

Bunnie? Twan..?

...Poppabird?

I need some company, if any of you are free.

I'll make some of Unc's classic chilidogs. My treat.

*We return to your dick hedgehog, already in progress! It appears that, just like any cocky little shit, Sonic has left himself unawares of the laptop in the room, the lights low as he starts a familiar dance routine... Oddly enough, the tiles on the floor light up appropriately. He sings along, though his voice, while surprisingly good, still isn't perfect for the song*

( Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one )
[[Antics! And also my belated tribute to you know who, because Primey would TOTALLY have been a fan. Click here for an alternate Youtube link, but I mean, come on. You should know this video.]]

Well. Can't say I enjoy being in this form again, but at least I KNOW WHO I FUCKING AM this time.

Typing with no hands or even fingers REALLY REALLY SUCKS.

I'm gonna go take advantage of my sweatrag-like abilities some more, I think.

I RATE THAT CLEAVAGE A++++++ WOULD MOLEST AGAIN

Alright, Odin! I gotta say, good show, good show! I honestly didn't think Hermie could do it, but I'm strictly convinced!

Best. Valkyrie. EVER.

Seriously. Better than Freya, even. Especially in the most important department, now that she's gettin' up in the years...~

*The computer clicks on to curtains blowing in the wind, showing the windows to be closed. A blue hedgehog is curled up in bed, shivering a bit... until the blanket slowly lifts off of him and floats away. Some invisible force starts the coffeemaker, then rattles the glasses around until several fall with a loud crash, forcing the hedgehog awake*

Bzuh? Wuzzah... th'fuck? I don't even drink coffee why th'fuck do I have a...

*the strings on the guitar are strummed one at a time, then all at once, shutting the hedgehog up quickly. A ghostly voice whispers*

sooooooooooooooniiiiiiiiiiiiiiic~ oh, soooooooooooooooniiiiiiiiiiiiiic~

Wh...who's there?! I... I KNOW JU-JITSU! HEDGIE FU!

*A pair of shoes hover in the air, walking on their own until the settle on the desk*

i've come for you, soooooooniiiiiiiiiiic~

*this causes the hedgehog to all but fall out of his bed, cursing to himself before squeaking*

I...I didn't mean to kill my shoes, honest! I just run too goddamn fast, that's all!

*The laptop screen - visible in the mirror behind Sonic - goes fuzzy. The distorted picture of someone whose long hair covers their face can be made out*

*The figure, a woman in long, red-stained clothing, s l o w l y crawls halfway out of the laptop screen, raises her head, and says...*

Boo. *giggle*

*there's not another word from the hedgehog... and in fact, if you don't slow the video down and aren't used to seeing supersonic hedgehogs... well, you might just miss the fact that Primey pretty much flies OUT of his window - opening it first, thankfully - with a howl of fear, causing Sadako-genie to move to look out the window, worried*

...wow. I didn't mean to spook him that bad...

[[Chibi is evil. Chibi is EEEEEEVIL. So is Niki.]]

*the quiet rustling of sheets, then a sharp yelp, an almost panicked tone to his voice*

Robotnik! I... I... *sigh* I'm... having nightmares again. And to top it all off, it looks like I'm here. Which means that fucking laptop's probably already recording me.

...heh. Only figures. At least it gives me a place to go, for now.

*shouted loud and clear* OI! GUYS! I'M BACK, FEEL FREE TO TAUNT AND HARASS ME AGAIN ABOUT MY NAAAAME!

[[YAY PEOPLE HAS EPIC OF 200. Also, icon filtered to this one, but hackable]]

......

Well. This doesn't look all that much different from Albumen Prep. Good to see I'm not the only BRIGHT BLUE HEDGEHOG here this time, but I hope at least that "giant dog taking monster turd outside of classes" is not a sign that I ended up in a bad Harry Potter fanfic again.

My Immortal was bad ENOUGH, thanks

Anyway. Name's Maury, folks. People call me Sonic. Principal Kintobor at AP didn't like my... "retarded fairy tales", I think he called 'em, so he sent me here where he said his cousin was better equipped to deal with "flagrant bullshit".

...Please tell me that the giant pooch isn't called "Bull". Because that shit certainly is flagrant fragrant.

[[Ladies and gents, welcome to Booknerd! Having come back from Alterius, now he's AU'd in the form of Primey! Hurr. 8V]]

You know.

Normally, I don't mind running in th'rain. It's an excuse t'clean myself off without having to take a stupid shower. But...

The first rain of spring is supposed to be WARM, ISN'T IT?! SO TELL ME WHY IT'S FUCKING STRADDLING FREEZING TEMPS OUT THERE AND WHY MY HEATER ONLY INSISTS ON BLASTING ME WITH COLD AIR

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

bbl, freezing to death in my own room 8| fucking weather here

...Hey, poppabird?

I wanna thank you. For last night. Y'did a good job of reminding me why I stick around instead of just makin' it a "buds with benefits" situation like I've done anyone else here.

Sorry about bein' such a whiny emo kid atcha.

...Well.

Can't say the finale was really all that unexpected. That's karma for you. Gotta hate blue balls.

Damn it all, my mouth hurts...

ahahahAHAHAHAHAH.

ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME. I'VE BEEN A CRIPPLE LONG A FUCKIN' NOUGH.

...Sonic's back, folks. Scourge? You better hope you aren't Gay Pride Purple any more, or else you're gonna be black and blue before too long.

Ant? Thanks for your help. Same for you, Buns. You two get some rest, okay?

...nngh.. fuckin' head... where the fuck am I?


Doesn't look like Freedom HQ. Or Moebius, for that matter.. fuckin' walrus, I swear when I get back, I'm gonna beat his ass after I'm done with Scourge's...

*notices the laptop recording* ...eh, at least I might as well try to make the best of things.

*as loud as he can manage* OIIIIII! ANYONE OUT THERE ABLE TO TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK I AM?!